Look At Me : Louis Howard
by AliaMagician
Summary: He was a married man, and yet, he had fallen in love in the most uncharacteristic way. Why did something he considered as elusively magical as love, come to him masquerading in the shadows of a forbidden love affair?
1. Prologue

_We all need someone to look at us._ _We can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under._ _…_ _Then there is the third category_ _, the category of people who need to be constantly before the eyes of the person they love. Their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category. One day the eyes of their beloved will close, and the room will go dark._ \- _Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being_

* * *

The other side of the bed felt empty. Still with closed eyes, Louis extended his hand to reach for something in the space next to him. His arms whisked right and left, as if he was groping in the dark. _No, she's not here._ Slowly, his eyelids flitted open and indeed, there was nothing there but a rumpled piece of white sheet. He groaned as he moved to his side and was surprised to see her smiling at him.

"Turn around." She said. "I finally had a clear view of your backside, so turn around."

He looked at her for a moment and felt himself flushed seeing raw beauty in front of him. She was naked down to her stomach, her lower extremities hidden by a red piece of cloth coiling around her hips. She was sitting on a stool with a paintbrush in hand. In front of her was a huge canvas and he could only guess what she was doing.

"Louis." The way she mentioned his name always sounded different to him. It was a little threatening and persuasive, yet it was like melody to his ears.

But no, he didn't want to turn around. He wanted her to look at him.


	2. Part One

Louis met her at his own wedding reception. For formality's sake, a number of nobles have been cordially invited to witness the occasion. It somehow brought them a sense of relief, that, finally, the young Duke of Howard, decided to grace a dainty aristocrat the honor of accepting her hand in marriage. They were worried for a very long time that – with his parents gone, and Louis alone to oversee his duchy and certainly with no intention of finding a suitable partner (at least not too soon) – his indifference would mean the end of the line for the Howard Manor.

The blond duke found his newly-wedded wife to be very agreeable. She was once a candidate for the Princess Elect selection, and this puts her intelligence, beauty, and pedigree out of the question. He had met her a number of times before their engagement and he has, to a certain degree, harbored admiration for her.

Yet he didn't entirely feel affectionate towards her. Perhaps the long years of desolation have taken a toll on him. Looking at her with a bright smile on her face as she was congratulated by the nobles, he felt that as long as both of them stayed on each other's good sides, then their union can be fruitful.

His thoughts were interrupted by a repulsive sight of the last person he wanted to see, and the last thing he wanted to see that person doing. Sid had his arms wrapped around a woman's waist, their faces close, and their lips locked in kissing.

Sid opened his eyes and looked at Louis from the corner of his eye. He suddenly broke away from the woman and pulled her along as they walked towards the groom.

"Waddaya know." Sid began, his lips forming a smirk. "I would say congratulations, Louis, but I feel sorry for your wife."

"Excuse me?" The duke folded his arms.

"Well you know, her husband's a lot prettier than her." His childhood friend replied with a mocking laugh.

Louis was about to say something but the lady Sid brought with him suddenly voiced out.

"I think," the woman said, tilting her head to the side. "they look wonderful together."

The hat that was covering a part of her face revealed a pair of lustrous green eyes. It struck Louis at how gently she tipped her bowler hat off and at that moment, he could see her very well. He had met almost all the high profile people in Wysteria, yet he couldn't register any memory that would remind him of this lady. Perhaps she was not exactly a noble, and most probably she was one of Sid's many women. Yet Sid had never brought a partner for himself in occasions and her presence was highly intriguing.

"Stop looking at Ariadne like that." Sid scoffed.

"I don't look at women with malicious intent like you do." Louis retorted. "I'm merely wondering why you've never brought anyone with you before."

"Oh, Sid was rather jealous that you got married." Ariadne smiled.

There was almost a hint of laughter in her voice that made him look at her again. Sid let go of her and put his hands on his waist.

"Let me get us some drinks and I'll come back to torment you even more, Louis." With that, the heir of the Grandier archduchy disappeared into the crowd. Louis and Ariadne stood there in silence. She took a step back and placed her hat on her head again.

"Why are you wearing a hat?" The duke suddenly asked without thinking. "And that is a hat for men."

"Does it not go well with my dress?" She said confidently.

Louis felt his eyebrows twitch. It did look good on her, in fact, she was very beautiful. There was an air of novelty around her that seemed so refreshing.

"Congratulations on your marriage, Your Grace. I know I'm not supposed to be here. Sid was very insistent that I come along. He talks so fondly of you."

Louis narrowed his eyes and sighed. "Sometimes I can't comprehend why women fawn over a man like him. Are you even being treated well?"

Ariadne suddenly burst out in laughter that shook even Louis' calm demeanor. _What? Was what I said even funny?_ He continued to look at her as she covered her mouth while trying to control herself. She was wheezing in between her breaths and the duke was looking both confused and worried.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She finally said, still catching her breath. "Sid was right, you can be entertaining to talk to." Ariadne tipped her hat again before looking at him. "Pardon me for being too blunt, but I find your seriousness rather amusing."

Louis said nothing but his thoughts were running around her words. He heard people often say how his stern regard for others to be most unpleasant. _How can she even see my seriousness as something hilarious?_

"What's all this friendly atmosphere I'm feeling?" Sid came back with drinks in hand.

"I was just telling her how incomprehensible you can be." Louis replied.

Sid smirked and handed Ariadne a glass of champagne. They gazed at her as her fingers gently rotated the glass around before bringing it to her lips for a taste. As the two men took a sip from their own glasses, the woman said,

"Sid and I aren't together. We just happen to be both unattached."


	3. Part Two

What drew him to her was her novelty. To his life of routine and codified behavior, she was a breath of fresh air. When he first came to know her, Louis believed that Ariadne was not the kind of woman he wanted to associate himself with. For one, she had a rather indistinct relationship with Sid. That alone spelled trouble if he were to grow feelings for her.

But surprisingly, he did. He was a married man, and yet, he had fallen in love in the most uncharacteristic way. Why did something he considered as elusively magical as love, come to him masquerading in the shadows of a forbidden love affair?

"What's so special about painting my backside?" Louis frowned.

Ariadne gently placed her paintbrush on the table and stretched her arms upward. He saw her bare breasts bounce a little and he smiled to himself. She noticed he was staring at her body and gave a small sigh.

"Exactly that reason." She replied. "All you see is what's in front of you."

"How very literal." He wryly smirked. But he knew what she meant. He loved how both simple and profound she can be without even trying. Louis stood up from the bed and walked over to her side. He looked over the canvas and peered at her work. He was no critic, but he appreciated to have seen himself that way she sees him, albeit it was only his backside.

Louis slipped his arms around her shoulders and locked her in an embraced from behind. Ariadne reached for his arm and gripped on it lightly.

"Hey," She whispered. "Why don't you take this home?"

He suddenly felt dejected after hearing her words. He was reminded of his wife back in his manor. It had been half a year since he got married, and yet, the entire time, his heart was never hers. He had thought about it over and over – that if he had met Ariadne sooner, they would've been in a better situation.

And sometimes, Louis wished he had never met her at all.

"I have a favor to ask." He said. "Will you paint me next time? And I don't mean my backside."

She just smiled and took the paintbrush in her hand again.

Louis came home at the break of dawn. He walked through the corridors of his manor and noticed that the door to the drawing room was slightly opened. The room was quiet, and only a faint ray of the sunrise illuminated the surroundings. He crept inside and found his wife curled up on the sofa. He sighed.

He had seen this sight several times before. She would wait for him to come home from his affairs at the palace, and yet after a day's worth of work – there was only one person he wished to take comfort in, and that was Ariadne. He didn't consider her a mistress. She was the love of his life – and that made her the only woman he seriously cared about.

But… If only he wasn't married…

Louis leaned over his wife's face and brushed the stray strands of hair with his fingers. She must've felt his touch and slowly opened her eyes.

"Let's get you to bed." He said, gently lifting her up in his arms.

"Louis…"

As he carried her, her nose caught a whiff of a familiar scent. _It's her. Sh_ e gripped at his lapel tightly and closed her eyes shut. She had suspected him all this time. As discreet as the duke can be, his wife knew about the illicit affair, yet from the beginning, she was aware that he was never in love with her. That realization was painful, and all she could do was agonize alone, fearing that the knowledge of her lonely married life would reach unsympathetic ears, and that mockery would escape from their insensitive lips.

He laid her down on their bed and as he tucked a blanket over her, she reached for his face. Louis widened his eyes in surprise and he felt her thumb brush the side of his cheek.

"Welcome home, Louis." She said.

The sincerity in her voice made his heart ache. She was a good woman, and he knew he was causing her pain and suffering. But what could he do? He had given in to temptation a long time ago and his feelings for Ariadne had already consumed his soul. He believed that his wife knew about her, but she never dared to question him about it. _It is entirely up to you if you want to stay with me, but I can never promise you anything. I never did from the beginning._

The thought was harsh, but it was the truth.

* * *

The moment Ariadne opened her door, Louis stepped in and caught her lips with a kiss. She had exactly no time to be startled, and so she parted her lips to welcome his tongue. He devoured her with an obvious need for affection and she let his hands caress her entire being.

"Ariadne." He whispered her name in between kisses. "Ariadne, look at me."

She gazed up into his eyes and she could see his sincere desire for her. Sometimes it felt too unfathomable that his stares take away the words from her mouth, leaving her speechless.

But she hated times like those. Louis Howard was a married man, and yet he told Ariadne he was in love with her.

 _Love?_ Love was something she could never understand.


	4. Part Three

"I'm in love you with you."

Louis clearly remembered the day he declared his feelings for Ariadne. He had come to check in on the restoration that was underway at the town's old opera house. Since it was under his estate's jurisdiction, Louis had come to see the progress at least twice a week. On the first day, he was surprised to see her there – and that she was actually the spearheading the restoration project.

As they both exchanged ideas on what could be done for the opera house, Louis grew to care for her. She had a flair for art and her peculiar taste was something he greatly admired. He started to realize that these twice a week meetings had been something he looked forward to, and came that fateful day. She looked like an average worker, her hair in knots all over the place. She stood on a platform, her sleeves curled up above her elbows, her hands reaching for a surface to paint. Louis stared at her from below. He smiled at how awkward she looked – tiptoeing, barely scratching the part she needed to dab paint on.

"Perhaps you need to grow even taller." He commented, his voice echoing.

"Ah, Duke Howard." She turned around, finally noticing his presence. "Can you hand that riser over to me?"

 _What? Don't I get any greetings?_ Louis was a little stunned at the welcome he got. He was so used to formality and he believed it was the first time someone actually seemed to be giving him a command. He let out a soft chuckle. _Ahh, I don't even find it arrogant, I feel rather pleased._

"Please?" He heard her again and he looked up at her.

A small smile formed on his lips as he stepped on to the platform and walked closer to her. Confusion registered at her face as he stared at her with his piercing eyes. _You are such a masterpiece yourself, Ariadne._

"Duke Howard?" She blinked.

Louis lifted a hand to her cheek and began to rub on the side with his thumb. "You've got some paint on you." Ariadne nonchalantly brushed his hand away and laughed. "Careful. You don't want anything dirty get on you."

"What do you mean?"

"The paint, silly." She smiled at him and squatted down to dip her brush on the bucket of paint.

But her words stuck to him. He couldn't tell what she was implying. He was thinking of all the possibilities that would fit what she had just said. He was a married man, and yet he had been acting too fond of her. She might've noticed it was well. _Women and their instincts. How dangerous, really._

Louis sat on the platform as Ariadne continued to work. He stared at his feet and sighed. _What am I doing? This is situation is clearly troublesome._ He let himself look at her again, and he could see that to him, she shone brighter than anyone else. He felt a warm sensation creeping over his chest. He knew better than to lie to himself. _…Why you? …Why now?_

He gathered himself up and stood beside her, looking at the wall she was painting on. "You won't see how it is when you're this close." Ariadne said, her focus still on her work.

 _Everything looks better at a distance, is that it?_ Louis lowered his gaze and caught sight of the paint buckets. The platform was messy, with tints smeared all over the surface, and yet, he found the chaos of colors enchanting. _This is what you are Ariadne. There are so many things I want to know about you. Every little detail – I want to see all of them. I want to see you up close._

Ariadne wiped her forehead and accidentally got paint on it. "Ugh, this always happens."

Louis let out a soft chuckle and softly said, "Ah, I give up." He gently reached for her hand and she was surprised at his gesture. She knitted her eyebrows and tried to yank it back but the duke gripped on it tighter.

"Ariadne… Ariadne, look at me." She looked up at him, her expression conflicted. His eyes were firm with sincerity as Louis spoke his next words. "I'm in love with you."

* * *

Ariadne felt Louis' embrace loosen up and she looked over her shoulder to find him turning to the other side of the bed. She had shared another night with a married man. She placed her arm over her forehead and stared into the darkness, pondering the duke's words earlier.

"I can't bear our days apart anymore. I want you to live with me." He breathed into her ear. "I already have the perfect excuse."

She bit her lip. She had slept with several men, married and not, yet they had never been as gentle as Louis Howard. There was something melancholic in her reverie as she recalled all their moments together. She cared for him, she really did, yet unlike his feelings for her, her emotions were significantly different. She made it clear when he professed his love.

"What does love mean to you, Duke Howard?" She asked him as she shook his grip away from her. Louis felt silent for a moment, then he opened his lips to speak. "…I can't say. I've never felt this way before. But I know something this strong can only be love."

"I'm a woman who doesn't commit to anything. I have nothing good to offer you."

He continued to look at her straight in the eye. "…I can't help but want to be with you despite these circumstances."

 _I want you to live with me._ She had figured out sooner or later that he would probably ask her that. Ariadne turned around and stared at Louis' back in the darkness. She felt herself smile faintly, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. _I guess it's time I paint you properly._


End file.
